i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I want a musical about memes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
