a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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