Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
