Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
