when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
