i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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