i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
