Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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