Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize