Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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