I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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