He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
