i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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