i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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