I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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