yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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