elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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