The best revenge is premature balding
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
