Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
