nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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