i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
