shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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