she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
