On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
