Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
