i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize