I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
