So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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