can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize