All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
