How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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