so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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