I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
