i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
