I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
