My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
