Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
