so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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