ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize