dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
