I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
