My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
