Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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