She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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