Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Randomize
