Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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