there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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