Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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