Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
