u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the condom got lost in my hair
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize