Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize