I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
