It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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