life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
