I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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