the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
