I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I look better un-naked...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
