I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
