he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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