Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
