In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize