And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
