fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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