What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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